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M O B Y
A musical comedy in two acts
Original book, lyrics, and score
by
Nina Galen
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Note: Click on the song titles throughout the scenes to listen to them as MP3 files! |
ACT I
Scene 1 -- The Thames Embankment near Big Ben. We see the bow of a sailing ship, HMS Baleen, standing in a dry dock. On the embankment is a low platform with a podium bearing the Royal Crest, a bookseller with a pushcart with FOYLES written on it, souvenir booths, and vendors of every sort. A huge portrait of the queen -- a beautiful young woman dressed in white -- dominates the scene.
The year is 2020, early afternoon on a pleasant summer day. As Big Ben chimes the 3/4 hour, a group of TOURISTS with GUIDES appears. The tourists are dressed in very modern styles, whereas the British tour guides wear seedy, old fashioned garments. One guide announces that shortly Queen Virginia will arrive to christen the ship.
COMPANY
A CHRIST'NING
A CHRIST'NING
HAIL VIRGINIA, QUEEN VIRGINIA
A CHRIST'NING, A CHRISTENING
THERE'S GOING TO BE A CHRISTENING
A CHRIST'NING, A CHRIST'NING
THE CHAMPAGNE WILL BE GLISTENING
ON HER ROYAL, ON HER ROYAL
ON HER ROYAL MAJESTY'S SHIP BALEEN
HAIL VIRGINIA, QUEEN VIRGINIA
MONARCH PURE AND GOOD
WE HAVE COME FROM FAR TO SEE
YOUR ROYAL BEAUTY, WOMANHOOD, AH
QUEEN VIRGINIA, LAUNCH THIS VESSEL
SEND HER ON HER WAY
SHE WILL RIDE THE OCEAN WAVES
AND BRING FAIR ENGLAND GLORY TODAY
A CHRIST'NING
A CHRISTENING
HAIL VIRGINIA, QUEEN VIRGINIA
MALE TOURIST
A Bar Mitzvah it ain't.
FEMALE TOURIST
Isn't England quaint? You'd really think yourself in
the nineteenth century, instead of the year 2020.
Look at this cashmere sweater. Oh,ninety-five pounds.
MALE TOURIST
That's a buck fifty.
FEMALE TOURIST
I'll take it!
MALE TOURIST
Don't be dumb. They're expecting another devaluation
of the pound any minute.
TOURISTS
STUFF THEY SELL IS SO CHEAP HERE
TIME HAS FALLEN ASLEEP HERE
WOMEN STILL WEAR FULL LENGTH MAXIS
OIL AND GAS CAN'T BE HAD HERE
WALKING FAST IS THE FAD HERE
RICKSHAWS HAVE REPLACED THE TAXIS.
COMPANY
VIRGINIA'S CHRISTENING THIS VESSEL PROUD
SHE'LL BRING FAIR ENGLAND GLORY
SING IT ALOUD, SING IT ALOUD.
A CHRIST'NING, A CHRISTENING
THERE'S GOING TO BE A CHRISTENING
AND CHAMPAGNE WILL BE GLISTENING
ON HER ROYAL MAJESTY'S SHIP
STANDING PROUD IN THE SLIP
DRUNKEN PASSENGER
(BLIMEY, I'D LOVE JUST A NIP)
COMPANY
ON HER ROYAL, ON HER ROYAL,
ON HER ROYAL MAJESTY'S SHIP BALEEN.
A British sea captain, MARLOW, walking by answers the tourists’ questions about the meaning of “baleen”. He’s the captain of the Sally Forth, a ship moored nearby. They ask him whether as foreigners they should bow or curtsey to the queen. He tells them that they may do as they like, but that he will, of course, bow to Her Majesty.
A group of unemployed British WORKERS arrive. They carry protest signs reading “JOBS NOW!” etc. They tell the tourists that they’ve come to protest massive unemployment.
TOURIST
You're protesting to the queen? Don't you have ministers who sets economic policy?
WORKER
Of course we do. But it's no good protestin' to
ministers. We don't love ministers, and they don't
love us. We love Virginia.
A QUEEN SETS AN
EXAMPLE (Rehearsal Version)WORKER 1
MINISTERS SET POLICY
WORKER 2
SUNS SET ON THE SEAS
PAINTER
PAYNT SETS ON A WALL
WORKERS ALL
BUT A QUEEN SETS MORE THAN THESE....
TOURIST
What's that?
WORKER
A QUEEN SETS AN EXAMPLE
SHE SHOWS US 'OW IT’S DONE
TO KEEP A STIFFER UPPER LIP
IN STEAMIN' TROPIC SUN.
WORKER
A QUEEN SETS 'ER EXAMPLE
ON SAND OR MUD OR GRASS
AND EVERY BRITON FOLLOWS IT
IN EVERY SOCIAL CLASS.
COMPANY
THEY FOLLOW IT, THEY FOLLOW IT
IN EVERY SOCIAL CLASS
WORKER 3
A QUEEN SETS AN EXAMPLE
SHE TEACHES US NOBLESSE
WITH SANDWICHES THAT CRUSTLESS ARE
AND FILLED WITH WATERCRESS
WORKER 4
BUT WHEN THE QUEEN'S A VIRGIN
TH'EXAMPLE THAT WE'RE SHOWN
(sigh)
MAKES EVERY LOYAL ENGLISHMAN
NO BETTER THAN A DRONE.
COMPANY
THESE [WE] VERY LOYAL ENGLISHMEN
NO BETTER THAN A DRONE.
WORKER
In other words, since Virginia took the throne ten
years ago, we ayn't, as you Yanks say, "gettin” any."
TOURIST
But what have your sex lives got to do with the sad
state of the British economy?
WORKER
Let us explayn.
WORKER 1
WE SUBJECTS FEEL A DUTY
TO KEEP OUR LUST RESTRAYNED
BUT IMMACULATE CONCEPTION
AYN'T SO VERY OFT ATTAYNED
WORKER 2
THE BABY BOOM WENT BUSTED
THE BUDGET WENT TO 'ELL
THE QUEEN SET 'ER EXAMPLE
BUT, WE FOLLOWED IT TOO WELL.
TOURISTS
THEY FOLLOWED HER EXAMPLE
BUT THEY FOLLOWED IT TOO WELL.
TOURIST
So, the queen really does have an influence on the
behavior of the British populace.
FEMALE WORKER
An influence? Blimey! When Virginia ascended the
throne, the sun set on the British sex life.
WORKERS ALL
A QUEEN SETS AN EXAMPLE
TO DO OR NOT TO DO
WE GET THE MESSAGE IN THE PRESS
AND ON THE TELLY TOO.
IF ONLY SHE WOULD MARRY
'ER TROTH TO SOMEONE PLIGHT
WE'D FOLLOW THEIR EXAMPLE ALL
THEIR BLOOMIN’ WEDDIN' NIGHT.
A QUEEN SETS AN EXAMPLE
SHE SHOWS US ‘OW IT'S DONE
IN AFRICA, ANTARCTICA
IN RAYN AND SLEET AND SUN.
WE SUBJECTS FEEL A DUTY
TO DO AS GOOD AS SHE, BUT
A QUEEN WHAT 'AS SIX CHILDREN
IS WHAT WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE
COMPANY
A QUEEN WHAT 'AS SIX CHILDREN
IS WHAT WE [THEY] WOULD LIKE TO SEE
A QUEEN WHAT 'AS SIX CHILDREN
IS WHAT WE [THEY] WOULD LIKE TO SEE.
The workers are afraid that if the queen knew her virginity was the cause of England’s economic depression she wouldn’t marry, she’d abdicate – but she’s the last of the royal line so they wouldn’t want that. They’re having a silent protest to get her thinking: when she arrives they won’t bow or curtsey. The tourists decide they won’t bow or curtsey either.
As they talk, Marlow stands listening. Suddenly Her Majesty’s arrival is announced. Virginia enters, dressed in a magnificent white gown. Instantly everyone present sweeps into a deep bow or curtsey – except Marlow. Against all expectations he remains motionless, standing erect before the queen. They gaze at each other over the backs of the bent people. The lights fade out on the crowd, remaining bright on Marlow and the queen. In this moment out of time, they fall in love.
Virginia questions Marlow and is shocked to learn he’s about to sail off to Burma and won’t return for a year or two.
A SAILOR enters with a checklist for Marlow. As Marlow turns his attention to it, the queen sings of her love.
I
LOVE A MAN WHO CANNOT BEND
TO ME
QUEEN
I LOVE A MAN WHO CANNOT BEND TO ME
TALL AS A MAST, STRONG AS A SHIP IS HE
ALL OF MY LIFE IN THESE WHITE SAILS I'LL GO
HOPING TO FIND THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL.
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I WOULD LIKE TO SAIL AWAY
BUT I MUST STAY, I MUST STAY
AND LISTEN TO THE WIND THAT SOFTLY CALLS TO ME
AND TO IT SAY, AND TO IT SAY:
I LOVE A MAN WHO CANNOT BEND TO ME
WARM AS THE SUN, PROUD AS MY DESTINY
WIND, WAVE AND SAIL WILL BE MY MARRIAGE BED
OR I WILL NEVER, OR I WILL NEVER WED.
Taking her place behind the podium the queen tells everyone to rise. She asks her subjects if they have any complaints to make to her, but they assure her they have none. The jobless workers say nothing of their protest. Everyone shouts “God Save the Queen.”
The queen christens the ship while Marlow stands in a daze. Suddenly his name
is called by a voice offstage, and he calls back that he’ll be right there.
MARLOW
THE TIDE IS EBBING FAST
THE THAMES IS SILVER IN THE AFTERNOON
AND WITH THE SETTING SUN
WE'LL CHART OUR COMPASS COURSE FOR FAR RANGOON.
THE OCEAN IS A WORLD
WHERE CARES ARE BLOWN AWAY IN SUMMER GALES
AND FOR YOUR COMPANY
JUST SEAGULLS AND SOMETIMES WHALES
A HAPPY LIFE IT IS
AWAY FROM LOVERS AND ENCIRCLING ARMS
THEY'LL NEVER FIND YOU THERE
YOU'RE SAFE FROM THEIR HOLLOW CHARMS.
(looking lovingly at the QUEEN)
AND SHOULD THEY EVER ASK
WHY SAILORS LOVE THE SEA AND SHUN THE LAND
I'LL ANSWER THEM MY DEAR
IN WORDS THAT SURELY MOST WOULD UNDERSTAND:
THE HEART WILL LEAD YOU ONLY
TO WHIRLPOOL, SHOAL AND REEF
AND LOVE WILL LEAVE YOU STRANDED
WITH YOUR SPECIAL GRIEF
FOR EVERY MAN A GRIEF HAS
THAT NO ONE KNOWS BUT HE
AND IF HE IS A BRAVE MAN
NO ONE WILL EVER SEE.
THE WIND IS BLOWING FAIR
THE SEA REACH WAITING IN THE EVENING LIGHT
AND SHOULD THE GODS ALLOW
WE'LL RIDE INTO THE OPEN SEA TONIGHT
WE'LL RIDE INTO THE OPEN SEA TONIGHT.
With one sad look after the departed queen, MARLOW seems to straighten with determination, turns and walks off in the direction of his ship.
INTERLUDE
In front of the curtain appear two SAILORS and the ship's COOK from the Sally Forth. They sing and dance, imbibing liberally from a bottle of rum.
SAILORS
A SAILING SHIP'S A WOMAN
A MOTHER AND A WIFE
SHE'LL SUCCOR AND SUSTAIN YOU
AND RUN YOUR BLOODY LIFE
SHE'S SWEETER THAN A MISTRESS
MORE FICKLE THAN A WHORE
AND IF YOUR STRENGTH STARTS FLAGGIN'
SHE'LL LEAVE YOU ON THE SHORE
I'VE NEVER LOVED A WOMAN
SINCE SHE WHO GAVE ME LIFE
BUT FOR ME A DOZEN SAILING SHIPS
WERE MOTHER, WHORE AND WIFE.